Change How You Feel In A Moment
There are lots of things that can influence how we behave as we have discussed over the last 8 Juicemails, however sometimes a simple shift in the way we look at something can have a profound effect on our behaviour both short and long-term.
In Stephen R Covey’s book ‘7 Habits of Highly Successful People’ he uses the term ‘Paradigm Shifting’. This term is something we have used in our academy from the very beginning of our programme development and design. Covey gives a fantastic example of how to understand this term.
But First What Is A ‘Paradigm?’
The internet says;
A typical example or pattern of something; a pattern or model.
“society’s paradigm of the ‘ideal woman’”
A world view underlying the theories and methodology of a particular scientific subject.
“the discovery of universal gravitation became the paradigm of successful science”
In simple terms it is how you see things in your own mind.
This idea would suggest it to be a great way to influence someone else’s behaviour by offering a new way of seeing a situation.
The example scenario Covey experienced and explained in his book went something like this;
A man with his 2 kids who were being unruly, running around and disturbing people, while he sat on a bench next to Covey.
Covey was trying to read his paper and felt annoyed by these ‘out of control’ kids thinking to himself.. “why can’t he control his kids?”
Eventually Covey said to the man..“excuse me but aren’t your kids a little out of control?”
The man replies, looking somewhat deflated.. “yes yes I guess I should but well we just left the hospital and their mother just died an hour ago and I guess they don’t know yet how to deal with it and I guess me too”
Covey’s paradigm shifted once he heard the plight of this poor family and his annoyance shifted from annoyance to sympathy literally in a moment.
Covey encourages us to think about how OUR feelings shifted as WE heard or read the story here.
It is evidence of how one’s own perception of a situation can shift instantly the moment we realise the other view point.
So can we give more detail about how WE view a situation to enable different understanding/behaviour/reaction to the circumstances surrounding it?
Should we be asking more questions prior to behaving or re-acting in a certain way?
Imagine your client confessing they didn’t ‘behave’ in a way they wanted to or had planned to. Discussing their thought process with them might offer you an opportunity to shift their paradigm and therefore change their behavior next time they face a similar situation.
Client “I failed, I ate cake and now I may as well give up, I can’t do it, I am rubbish at this and everyone else had cake so how can I say no?”
You “Imagine I am you, what would you say to me? How would you support me if I said this to you? Consider the bigger picture – you have done so well so far and this is one small hiccup that we can turn into a fantastic lesson for you. Imagine that you can only fail if you give up. You have already successfully changed you behaviour up to now….” etc
Literally asking the client to imagine swapping places with you can shift their paradigm into a different view of their behaviour and therefore is more likely to encourage different behaviour next time. It gives a change of context…
How Does Context Affect Your Thoughts?
Another example of how we can change our behaviour is by simply putting things into context.
So many articles, videos and blogs out there are written without context. What I mean is those articles that suggest that everyone should do one thing, for example;
- squat with toes pointing forward
- women should do more cardio
- everyone should eat paleo
- dairy is bad for you
- orthotics are bad
- stretching is bad for you
- we should all learn to use foam rollers
None of these statements are considering every person who may squat, like dairy, need orthotics etc.
It is often a single viewpoint that is offered about methods of exercise, movement correction, behaviour or diet etc. The author has usually had an experience that created THEIR belief or idea and maybe this happened to most of the people they knew. So they wanted to tell others in an attempt to help.
Yet we are all different!
Some people can eat dairy, some don’t like paleo, some do and some don’t respond to stretching. This is the same when it comes to changing our behaviour, educating clients and all the other topics we have discussed previously. We ALWAYS need context as without it we may be using false or irrelevant information to our circumstances or fail to see how it will help us.
Giving clients a better understanding of the thinking behind an idea or viewpoint should give clarity along with the reasons WHY we make certain suggestions about how to change their behaviour.
So maybe we should ALL be braver and more ready to go against the grain and behave in a way we feel is for our best interest rather than simply following the crowd.
Why not try it yourself….when your client confesses something can you convert their thinking, their behaviour, by giving them a different way of looking at the situation that creates a positive outcome instead of a negative?
Consider a time when you did something you really didn’t want to do. You did it just because everyone else did and even though you didn’t want to. If we put it into context surely the people who care around us want us to be happy with or without having that piece of cake!!
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